Confession....Ughhh, a convert's view.

Sometimes I think that this might have been a lot easier had I always known about confession.  As I stand in line for confession I begin to sweat.  I see little kids going in. They come out kneel before Christ and pray.  What a witness! I am so impressed. My stomach has butterflies, see because I confessed this same sin before.  Get out of me! I think to myself as I wish there was something else I had to confess.  But as a great apologist said when he went for confession and told the priest that it was the same old list of sins, the priest replied, "You want new ones?"

So of course we don't want new sins, but it seems like Christ is working to get the world out of me by reminding me of my sins and I keep slipping.  Then finally I get rid of one and another one comes!  I think, "Where did that come from?" "I hadn't cursed like that in twenty years!" Then I'm reminded that even though I hadn't done that in a while it was still there and needs to be purged. So Jesus is making me aware of things that are still in me.

I reflect on this for a while and realize that in this process of reconcilation and regeneration that I AM becoming new.  Christ is coming in, as I consume him in the Eucharist and then He is pushing these sins out of me to make more room for Himself and make me clean from the inside out. It is a process.  I am very thankful for this process.  Discernment is a gift and grace of the Holy Spirit. When I start to   recognize Christ within me my attitude is adjusted.  I am unworthy of His presence within me, but he calls me as I am.

My spouse has said that our mouth is the alter when we accept this gift of Christ in the Eucharist. I want this alter to be clean. I must come to Him as a pure spotless bride. This involves contrition and then confession, because I do not want to profane Christ's Holy body. [ 1 Corinthians 11:27 Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of profaning the body and blood of the Lord. 28 Let a man examine himself, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. 29 For any one who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment upon himself. 30 That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died.] Christ's body is received by many others that are also becoming part of His body.  I should not receive it if it in any way might affect the other parts. [1 Corinthians 1:16 The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ? 17 Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread.]  

I want to be Holy as He is Holy. 

I made it through confession but to my suprise, I was called out by Christ (or rather his servant being used by Christ ie. the priest) on some things that I left out of my confession, things that I considered not as important but Christ thought otherwise. With my head hanging low I said a final prayer or act of contrition in the presence of the priest and added in general terms the things that Jesus and I knew that I should have confessed in the first place. I was glad I made it through with only a little bit of perspiration and shame. And maybe some leg cramps but that could have been due to the gardening I had done the day before. I'm not sure.  

The priest pronounced the words of absolution in Persona Christi (in the person of Christ) and told me to go say an "Our Father" and that was it.  It had been a month since my last confession and I was relieved and so thankful that I can now once again take of the Eucharist, of course the only ones that knew I was not taking it was my husband, me, and God, but just to be able to have the sacrament of confession is a real gift. There is grace that flows from humbly coming before our Lord and speaking of the wrong I have done. This sacrament makes me want to work on my forgiveness towards others. Am I so easy to forgive others and to forgive them of less than maybe what I have just confessed? That's a real examination right there! Can I do that? I must do that for I am called to that! Otherwise I cannot even sincerely say the "Our Father". Which states "forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us." I am still a work in progress. 

Thank you Christ Jesus for not turning me away and for being patient with me.